and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I deserve this hangover.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
