All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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