So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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