I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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