there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
