alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize