everyone is single if you try hard enough
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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