I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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