I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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