from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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