The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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