Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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