so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sobbing to NWA
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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