so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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