Whats the glycemic index on semen?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
