he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize