he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
