so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
