She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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