eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
