cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
