party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
