Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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