I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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