Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize