I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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