Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
