Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
