Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Enjoy the penises
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
