arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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