I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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