Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
