walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
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