Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
