Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
