Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
