recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
