i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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