Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
