Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I smell stomach acid.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize