If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
this just has baby written all over it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
