My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
