And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
