she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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