He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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