You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
