I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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