i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
