can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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