Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
