Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize