I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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