ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
