So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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