Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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