I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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