this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
