I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My boob is missing a layer of skin
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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