Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
