A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
