Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
