i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
