TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
