the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
