I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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