And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
