It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
