you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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