I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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